Its 11:53 pm.. She told everyone that it's her quite time of the day, or night!!!
"I am invisible, no one can see me,, I am not here..!!"
Her husband just told her to stop raising their children as if living in Plato's idealistic city, a world that is not realistic.. "I am sensing God in raising our children.." she replied..
Although, as parents we keep on repeating that our children don't totally reflect us, deep inside us we think they do...
As standing at the center point of her life time-line, she realized that she is a parent and a "child" of someone too… That life is a long testing phase… She wondered!! In the" School of Life" … In the "Classroom of Parenting", how good was she as a mother and as a daughter?
Two questions keep on juggling inside her head.. !!!
What do our kids need from us?? What do we need from our parents??
What do we want from our kids?? What do our parents want from us??
Our parenting role matures as our kids grow up….
When they were very young they needed us to take care of their physical and emotional needs. They wanted us to sit next to them, read them a book and show them how to build a Lego castle. At that time, these were their life essentials.
As they become older, they still need the same things but with slight differences.
They still need us to prepare food for them, but they also want us to sit around and listen to their day events while they are eating.
Instead of reading to them, they want to discuss with us the books that they have read, and instead of building Lego castles, they want us to show them how to build real castles made of bricks of their accomplishments.
As our kids become grownups, they still need similar things but with additional differences..
Our grownup "kids" need to show-off their accomplishments in front of us. To prove to us that they have nurtured the seeds that We have placed inside them 30 years ago..
They still need our listening ear, but with an eye that holds lots of understanding and not judgment.
Our grownup kids need us to accept who they have decided to become, with all their flaws or simply.. Just being themselves.
Our grownup kids need us to respect their dreams, by straining our wisdom from criticizing the foolishness in them.
If our kids grow and our responsibility towards them does not mature, it will be as if feeding a ten year-old child from a bottle. … Sounds funny, but frustrating too
Personally, I think the most important thing in satisfying our kids' needs, is for us to be the right role-model in their life. Setting the happy, stable, successful example that lightens and secures their life road with possibilities.
When our kids were very young we wanted them to allow us the time to have a good night sleep, to enjoy a relaxing shower and a peaceful phone conversation. We wanted them to assure us that they will love us in the future as much as we have loved them at that time..
When they are older, we want their respect and trust. We want them to trust our opinion and believe that no one will be as loving and honest as we are to them. We want them to behaved in the society and show signs of success..
When they reach the age of independence, we want their assurance that they will be there for us. They will hold our hand to climb up the stairs, just as we used to hold their hand. They will have the time to go with us to a doctor appointment, resembling what we used to do with them when they were very young.
We want them to have a cup of tea with us while we read the newspaper and they tap on their iPad... To listen to us while babbling memories of them when they were just kids.. To share with them our accomplished dreams.. and the lessons that we have learned from life the hard way..
We want them to pamper our dreams, the dreams that we have lived all our life to achieve, while being afraid that one day these dreams will just become a mirage in an endless desert.
Walking along the path of her time-line, she understood that her present is just the result of her past ... Her present is an introduction to her future..
If we are able to look at our life as a picture in a frame without focusing on our face in that picture, our life will make more sense to us..
This is so true and sensational but sad at the same time where I cannot guarantee their success, where I don't own it. It is sad that being a role model in their life will influence but does not secure their future as the influences became by far more than I control. The nice habit of being surrounded by lovely kinds is disappearing, as their future depends on others and surrounding environment, life is not simple any more and I have to accept what they are.
ReplyDeleteCan I handle walking into another room?
True, life is not as simple as it used to be, and our children are being influenced by more than the loving secured environment that we might have been sounded by, but, because we are now more aware of the power of role modeling, we have to make sure that we make the best of it. My point of all what I have said is that, through out our children growing years, we get concerned with all sort of needs and demands, forgetting that one of the most essential need is as simple as being together, because if we are there for them as children, they will be there for us as grownups.. And when we are together all needs will be satisfied.. Emotional, physical, social .. And so one.. As long as we are doing by will and with love..
ReplyDeleteSure you can..