Sunday, August 29, 2010
"I am invisible, no one can see me,, I am not here..!!"
Her husband just told her to stop raising their children as if living in Plato's idealistic city, a world that is not realistic.. "I am sensing God in raising our children.." she replied..
Although, as parents we keep on repeating that our children don't totally reflect us, deep inside us we think they do...
As standing at the center point of her life time-line, she realized that she is a parent and a "child" of someone too… That life is a long testing phase… She wondered!! In the" School of Life" … In the "Classroom of Parenting", how good was she as a mother and as a daughter?
Two questions keep on juggling inside her head.. !!!
What do our kids need from us?? What do we need from our parents??
What do we want from our kids?? What do our parents want from us??
Our parenting role matures as our kids grow up….
When they were very young they needed us to take care of their physical and emotional needs. They wanted us to sit next to them, read them a book and show them how to build a Lego castle. At that time, these were their life essentials.
As they become older, they still need the same things but with slight differences.
They still need us to prepare food for them, but they also want us to sit around and listen to their day events while they are eating.
Instead of reading to them, they want to discuss with us the books that they have read, and instead of building Lego castles, they want us to show them how to build real castles made of bricks of their accomplishments.
As our kids become grownups, they still need similar things but with additional differences..
Our grownup "kids" need to show-off their accomplishments in front of us. To prove to us that they have nurtured the seeds that We have placed inside them 30 years ago..
They still need our listening ear, but with an eye that holds lots of understanding and not judgment.
Our grownup kids need us to accept who they have decided to become, with all their flaws or simply.. Just being themselves.
Our grownup kids need us to respect their dreams, by straining our wisdom from criticizing the foolishness in them.
If our kids grow and our responsibility towards them does not mature, it will be as if feeding a ten year-old child from a bottle. … Sounds funny, but frustrating too
Personally, I think the most important thing in satisfying our kids' needs, is for us to be the right role-model in their life. Setting the happy, stable, successful example that lightens and secures their life road with possibilities.
When our kids were very young we wanted them to allow us the time to have a good night sleep, to enjoy a relaxing shower and a peaceful phone conversation. We wanted them to assure us that they will love us in the future as much as we have loved them at that time..
When they are older, we want their respect and trust. We want them to trust our opinion and believe that no one will be as loving and honest as we are to them. We want them to behaved in the society and show signs of success..
When they reach the age of independence, we want their assurance that they will be there for us. They will hold our hand to climb up the stairs, just as we used to hold their hand. They will have the time to go with us to a doctor appointment, resembling what we used to do with them when they were very young.
We want them to have a cup of tea with us while we read the newspaper and they tap on their iPad... To listen to us while babbling memories of them when they were just kids.. To share with them our accomplished dreams.. and the lessons that we have learned from life the hard way..
We want them to pamper our dreams, the dreams that we have lived all our life to achieve, while being afraid that one day these dreams will just become a mirage in an endless desert.
Walking along the path of her time-line, she understood that her present is just the result of her past ... Her present is an introduction to her future..
If we are able to look at our life as a picture in a frame without focusing on our face in that picture, our life will make more sense to us..
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
مع بداية هذا الدرس تجردت روحي عن جسدي و حلقت متأملة في ذلك الجسد الحبيب, النائم نومته الأبدية....
تأملت الوجوه الباكية و قد غشاها حزن الوداع, عيون دامعة و لكن قلوبها مطمئنة إلى رحمة رب العالمين تودّع الرجل الصالح إلى أن تلتقي به لقاءها البرزخي.
رفعت يدي و سألت سؤالي الأول: في درس الوداع هذا! ماذا نودّع؟ هل نحن نودّع الجسد أم الروح؟ الجسد أمامنا لا حول له و لا قوة! و الروح لم تكن يوما ملموسة!
ثم بدأ العرض الإلهي في ذاكرة كل منّا. كانت الوجوه تحكي ذكرياتها مع الحبيب الصالح, بعضنا هذى بتلك الذكريات, و الآخر حبسها في نفسه مخافة استثارة مشاعر الحزن بالفراق.
تأمّلتْ روحي في ذلك المساء أسرتي الحبيبة, تقاربها, ترابطها, و حنان صغيرها على كبيرها و احترام كبيرها لصغيرها. تأملت كيف عبر كل فرد فيها عن حزنه بطريقة مختلفة و كيف ودّع كل منهم حبيب العائلة بطريقته الخاصة.
جلستُ عند رأسه النائم و سألته: كيف أودّعك يا بابا جليل؟ لم أكن أشعر بحزن في تلك اللحظة, بل بألم في قلبي, ألم شديد أعلم أن لا دواء له. كيف أودع هذا الجسد الغالي؟
و جاءني الجواب من داخلي, أريد أن أساعد في غسله. و كان لي ذلك, وودّعت الجسد....
أصابتني حالة من السكون بعد ذلك و الاستسلام لقضاء الله و قدره ولكن عقلي لا يريد أن يصدق أنه لا يمكنني أن أسمع صوته بعد اليوم...
"...شفتوا ساقه .... سكر بأوراقه, عبد الجليل بترجي ... سبحان خلاقه....."
و جاءتْ اللحظات الحاسمة, لحظات امتحان صبر المؤمنين, و ودّعت عائلة البترجي غاليها وداعا نهائيا بأعين دامعة و قلوب منفطرة, و أدركتُ وقتها أننا وفي هذا الموقف بالتحديد نقوم بتوديع الجسد...
هدأت النفوس قليلا وانشغلنا بأيام العزاء و لكن السؤال المحيّر يبحث عن جواب, ماذا سنفتقد في غالينا بابا جليل؟
حاول الجميع أن يعود إلى حياته الطبيعية مع بداية الأسبوع الجديد, و لكن الاشتياق إلى الروح ظل يذكرنا بأنه قد رحل عنا ...
اليوم و قد أنهى بابا جليل أسبوعه الأول في جنة ربه أدركتُ أننا عندما نحب شخصا فإننا نتعلق بروحه, و ما الجسد إلا للتواصل و التعبير عن هذا الحب بطريقة ملموسة.
أشتاق إليك يا بابا جليل و أسألك مرة ثانية: كيف أودع روحك التي تحوم حولنا؟
و لا أقول إلا ما يرضي ربنا ... "إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون"
Thursday, August 12, 2010
أزاحت عنها غطاء السرير، و توجهت إلى حاسبها الآلي الشخصي و اندفعت تكتب بكل مشاعر الغضب التي حرمتها النوم..
حدثت "لا أحد" عن ما أغضبها في تلك اليلة..فأخبرته و دموعها تهطل و أناملها تكتب .. دون توقف
"في راي ما حدث هو استخفاف بشخصي و حريتي في أن اقلق أو أحزن..إلى متى هذه الحماية الغير مرغوبه و التي تعتبرني كالطفلة البلهاء المدللة.. هذا ليس اهتماما أو حبا ..هذا رغبة في التحكم و السيطرة و رغبة في الشعور بالسلطة..
من حقي أن أقلق على من أحب.. من حقي أن اشارك من أحب قلقهم.. قمة الاستخفاف بنضجي
غضبانة "الأنا" في نفسي من اسلوب التحكم و العبودية التي يعيشها هذا المجتمع..
أليس من حقي أن اعبر عن مشاعر الكره أو الحب لمن أحب!!!.
أليس من حقي أن اقلق على من أحب..تملّك للمرأة بكل ما فيها إلى اقصى حد
إلا أحب الناس إلى قلبي..ليس من حق أي من كان أن يقف حاجزا بيني و بين ابي
في هذا اليوم شعرت أنني "امرأة" في هذا المجتمع يعني...دمية يلعب بها المجتمع كيف يشاء..
يسمح لها "بمزاولة" مشاعرها عندما يسمح هو بذلك..فقط لأنها امرأة..
ثم يستعجب الجميع من نكراني لكوني امرأة في هذا المجتمع..
Do you know why Jeddah's' rain crisis happened to the poor areas!! I can't stop thinking about that..!! It's like we are living in two separate countries not in one city with half an hour apart..
I am surprised in a puzzled way.. Jabaroot Allah.. how the rain can cause floods in one area ,and just a couple of minutes away, the sky is so clear you would think people are lying..
God's will .. so scary I can't raise my head.. can't stop wondered why..
If this rain was a punishment .. I would ask..It is the rich who are making all the corruption.. then why the poor to suffer??
Because God love his sinners.. with all our sins.. he is ra7eem..
Because if the rich are the ones who had faced that crises.. who had lost their memories.. homes ..and loved ones.. What would've the poor done??.. They are poor.. Hopeless in a country like this, or any other country..
I think, God had allowed this crises to hit Jeddah, the spoiled part of the Kingdom, to give us a chance to prove to ourselves that there is still hope.. Maybe this generation had proved absolute corruption.. but, may be the next generation!! May be, will be different.. May be, things will be better!!
What I saw today gave me hop after I have lost it..
Coming back from Singapore and finding Jeddah in this astonishing .. unbelievable situation.. not drowning in rain water but in years of corruption, dishonesty and a lot more.. for a couple of days I lost hope.. literally.. lost hope
There were no visual leaders today when I went to Alharthi Center, when people asked who is the leader!! Wanting someone to lead them, to tell them what to do and where to go.. they couldn't find one.. I saw a youth human machines lead by humanity.. by empathy..
Sadly, in a country where men are the "masters", there were no visual men leading the operation.. PLEAS..
THIS IS THE COUNTRY OF “WOMEN”..
when I was in Singapore, people used to ask me about Saudi women, I used to tell them that although we might not have a lot of female leaders, the ones that we have are good, because they have to prove themselves in a society where woman are second class citizens..
When I asked to meet a leading “grown-up”, who was there from the first day, I was introduced to… YES..A WOMAN.. in a man dominant society..!!! How ironic..!!
I am not sure should I be proud or angry!!
I saw cool boys with stylish hair styles and young girls with branded hand bags carrying boxes and sorting blankets, kitchen tools, and food supplies.
If it was the rich who faced this crisis, what would have the poor done to save them!!
I owe these young shababs, boys and girls, an honest word..THANK YOU for giving me hope at a time where I have lost it.. I lost it at the airport, hearing about the "death because of rain"..!!!
For the first time, since I have recognized that I am a "female" in this society, I have felt that I was proud to be one, because today I believe that woman are the ones who are going to change this country.. "maybe only today"..!!!
A new strategy that I am trying to apply to my life, is to imagine that I am in another region.. and ask myself: Solafa, if you were in another one, what would you do?
I am afraid that I will get stuck in this "life standard".. and not notice that, and think that this is how all people live.. !!!
I think this is what will keep me going..
If I live by the standards that this society sets, I will stay home.. and pretend …
“I DO NOT exist.. “
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
tiny part of the Globe.. Looking at my Digital Globe on my MacBook dashboard
and watching it moving.. Inspires that hope inside me..
Noticing the light and dark areas as the globe circles around it self ..
Sensing that nothing really lasts..
As humans we create our heaven and hell on earth, Blaming our environment
for not being "the ideal one for us", as if we will ever find this ideal
Although we seek happiness from our surroundings, things we do, people we
meet, or places we visit, the truth is that happiness is with in..
A classic quote that has been repeated over and over agin by philosophers
and self development trainers.
The challenge is which part of our insides hold the key to our happiness!!
I keep on having these long "happiness discussion" with a friend..
One of my latest conclusions that I came up with was the fallowing formula:
Happiness = a holistic view of our life, we reach it through seeking it. So
if we are not working towards it we might not know that it exists. One might
think that by reaching a certain age, happiness will become a definite
What I believe is that "self' lives a pattern all through it's life.. so if
Self is a seeker, Self will always be a seeker.
I once heard a TED talk that defined true happiness as "Synthetic
Happiness" or as I have defined it, "Redah".
As Muslims, we get criticized if we are not able to reach the state of
"Redah", accepting Ones life the way God has planned it for us. And when
people gather and start complaining about something in their life they start
by saying, I am not complaining, no Al humdulleallah for everything, BUT...
I think the mentioned "synthetic happiness" reflects the state where we
human force ourselves to reach acceptance, wether that was consciously or
subconsciously, reflecting our hope for stability. And I think there is a
fine line between redah and between wanting more or better as a way of
However, this is a holistic view as I have said, one needs some practical
techniques that can be applied in everyday life situations..
As searching for clear deep meaning of stability my mind floated away to my
high school physics classes.
I never loved physics because I never deeply understood it. For me it was an
application that I can NOT and will NOT use in my life..
I remember telling my self at the end of each physics class, Who Cares About
this "Dam BALL!!
At this age and by my own will, I am connecting physics to happiness.
Physics might turn up to be a useful application after all, it might help
me to make sense of my ups and downs.
In physics, energy help us to understand "how and why things behave the way
Very important physics rules one should keep in mind while discussing
There is potential or stored energy in all objects.
There is no set direction to energy, there for, there are two forms of
energy; potential or stored energy and kinetic or motion energy.
Applying force to an object changes the form of it's potential energy in to
kinetic energy. This motion energy must be used to do work or accelerate an
object, otherwise it will be mis directed and turn in to waist energy which
might harm the object.
Keeping this in mind, let's discuss inner stability as a form of happeniss.
I would say that inner stability is the ability to balance the internal
"SCALE". This balance between what we want.. Our dreams and wishes, and what
we are living in.. Reality, and, the time and force needed to move from
reality to dream and wish accomplishment.. It's simply physics..
If you are able to balance that potential energy inside you and direct it
with the right speed and force then you have reached this inner balance...
One can still be blessed with all Gods' givings and feel deep "Redah" till
an external energy or force knocks the doors of this inner scale. When our
potential energy get stimulated and does not find a clear form to shape in
to, then one feels that he had reached his limits, and this negative reform
of his potential energy gives him the courage to say, Sorry, But I am not
I would say that this is very similar to what happens when nuclear energy is
not used properly.
On the other hand, if this potential energy was stimulated and directed with
the right speed and force, this is what we Muslims call "e3mar Alard",
developing our earth.
Because Humans are like all other objects.. Energy might help them
understand why and how they behave. As humans, As long as our mental,
psychological, physical and emotional energy is not puzzled, and we know
what to do with them, then we might be on the road of happiness..