A Bitter Taste in my Raspberry Pie

I have always looked at my heart as if it was a raspberry pie. My heart is divided in to triangles; different people share different parts of this delicious pastry. My children however hold the piece with the most filling, may be even the part that has wiping cream on top of it..

Two nights ago, a piece of my pie didn’t taste as sweet as it always does, there was bitterness in it,, the bitterness of a mother who had to let go of her baby to allow her to grow and discover herself and the world..

I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she was standing in line waiting for her turn to get her passport stamped by the officer. I was sure of herself confident, her excitement, and her eagerness to fully live the four coming weeks.   

Seeing her picking up her strolling bag off the belt at the checking point, turning around, and waiving good bye with a big smile, a wide eye that is full of brightness, I confessed to myself; So this is why we put all this effort in raising our beloved kids!!!

I remember 13 years ago, she was only two and half years old, both of us standing in front of her classroom door at her Montessori Kindergarten..

Her friend Gabi waiving to her "come on Bakeel"..

Me, kneeling and talking to her as if she was a mature grownup trying to convince her to enter the classroom with her friend..

She, refusing and looking at me with an eye that says; don’t even try, I am staying with you..

Our smooth adult discussion only took a couple of minutes, then simply she gave me a securing hug, waved good bye, and with a convinced tone she said; see you later Mum.

The other teachers asked me, what did you bribe her with to convince her to join the rest of the kids? I simply replied, of course I didn’t bribe her, I just told her that we both have work to do, go enjoy your time and we will meet at the end of the day, then we can both share with each other the excitement of our day, that simply made her excited enough to let go of me..

My eyes fallowed her as she disappeared, walking towards her plane gate, her flight leaves in an hour heading to Switzerland.

Yes, dear ME, we raise our kids to be able to balance between their fear of leaving their secured nest, and between their excitements to discover the world,,

To say NO when being challenged in their values, and say "yes" to
the road that leads to their future dreams.We raise them to become strong individuals whome can balance between their freedom and the right of others..To love us, even more when they are physically far away, knowing that our love and spirit will always protect them..A couple of hours later I received a sms from her "am in Switzerland" with a big smiley face. My reply was "Discover the world, enjoy, and stay safe"

29 June, 2011